I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
