Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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