she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
How did I end up in the pool?!
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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