dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
