They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Is it penis luge time yet?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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