it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Oh god it's open bar.
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