I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
