so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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