she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
