you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
