im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
