I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
