I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
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Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
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Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.