Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
