so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
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Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize