Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
