it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
why do cheetos always look like penises
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
