Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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