I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
