When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
