no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
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Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
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I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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