I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I need to align my fucking chakras
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
