so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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