i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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