I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize