Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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