so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
