OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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