i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
