Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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