Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
