i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
