how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
