I'm sorry my penis didn't work
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
