when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
its not stalking. its research.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
