the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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