I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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