1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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