Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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