Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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