He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
