I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
