Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
