Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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