he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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