i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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