I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
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