1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
