True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick lei will go down in squad history
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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