She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
