when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
