Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
