totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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