So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
