I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
