god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
