She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
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All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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