He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
In other news, I just burned my penis
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
