mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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