A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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