she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
