I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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