i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
