dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
