Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
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Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
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